50 Best Marriage Jokes, Funny Jokes About Married Life

Today I am sharing the best marriage jokes for social site users. here are 50 jokes available for marriage and husband and wives. Although it is not always true with other jokes, it’s rather clear that the popularity of marriage jokes stems mostly from anxious guys who are worried concerning making a dedication. Obviously, joking concerning exactly how bad marriage is helps relieve several of a sick stomach.

So of course; males, please laugh with our compilation of marriage jokes, marriage puns, and marital relationship quotes. If you fidget, we wish it assists. If you’re a girl or a chilled male who merely desires a great laugh please delight in, you won’t be disappointed.

Best Marriage Jokes

1. Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn’t that be an even number?

2. My ex wrote to me: Can you delete my number? I responded: Who is this?

3. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

4. Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”

5. Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the father’s jokes, it means they have guests.

6. The value of money in a relationship: the 10 bucks that the wife and the tax inspection don’t know about are worth more than the 100 that both know about.

7. A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

8. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

9. If you can’t say something nice, say it to your husband… he’s not listening anyway.

10. I just asked my wife what she’s “burning up for dinner” and it turned out to be all of my personal belongings.

11. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it!

12. Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn’t change soon, I’m gonna divorce her.

13. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

14. Kids asked if they could do something & I said yes so my wife lowered my security clearance & now I’m not authorized to make those decisions

15. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

16. How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.

17. I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.

18. Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.

19. Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that… ‘This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose’

20. I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don’t like to interrupt her.

21. My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.

22. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterward.

23. Do you know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

24. My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

25. The most dangerous room in the house really depends on where your wife is at the moment.

Getting married is significantly like visiting a restaurant with buddies. You purchase exactly what you desire then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had actually purchased that.

Here you will certainly locate the most effective of the wedding jokes and also humor around with connecting to timeless best man tales as well as parts for just the bride and groom to read. These marriage jokes can be wonderful liked in an ideal male or principal bridesmaid/matron of honor speech.

Jokes About Marriage

26. Never get on one knee for a girl who won’t get on two for you.

27. Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in. Which one do you let in? The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

28. When you want to marry a beautiful, smart, and rich woman – marry three times.

29. Marriage advise for dummies: Five worst things you can do 5 Abandon 4 Lie 3 Cheat 2 Abuse 1 Forget to start the dishwasher

30. Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

31. All men are idiots…and I married their king.

32. You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!

33. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

34. It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.

35. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.

36. Why do husbands die before their wives? They want to.

37. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes – about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

38. You should argue with your wife only when she’s not around.

39. Marriage is the main reason for divorce.

40. Every wife should understand one thing: dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

41. How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end, you lose your house.

42. Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?

43. What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

44. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

45. My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.

46. My wife’s not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, “All kids smell that way.”

47. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.

48. Wife renewed me for another season.

49. I received an invitation to a wedding. I answered: Maybe next time. Thanks.

50. My wife and I have been married for quite a few years and my wife asked me recently to get some pills that would make sure I’d be up to some action in the bedroom again.

If you have any other marriage jokes after that please let us understand and we will like them on the site.

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