189 Witty Captions For Facebook Post/Status


We have come up with the best Captions For Facebook Post/Status. You can use it for your Facebook profile and also share it with your friends.

1. Facebook should have a “no one cares” button.

2. I’m quitting facebook to face my books…

3. Me: I’m actually happy right now. Life: LOL one sec 😉

4. I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles / Gems.

5. Facebook should have “So What” button !!

6. My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home.

7. I think I need glasses because I keep seeing a lot of people with two faces.

8. A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: she changes it more often.

9. I started the week with a big box of Patience. The box is empty now.

10. I really need a day between Saturday & Sunday.

11. The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

12. I have lots of hidden talents. Problem is, even I can’t find them.

13. My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

14. I have a thousand things to say to you, and a thousand reasons not to.

15. I don’t care if you’re black, white, short, tall, skinny, rich or poor. If you RESPECT me I’ll respect you.

16. They are not grey hairs! They are wisdom highlights!! I just happen to be extremely wise.

17. Face your problems, don’t Facebook them.

18. Good morning, Let the Stress begin…

19. Dear work stress, let’s break up.

20. If stress actually burnt calories..I’d be a size zero!

21. Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

22. I have no problem with those who don’t like me, but I do have a problem with those who pretend to.

23. I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.

24. Be a good person but don’t try to prove it.

25. Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring. So I go back to being me.

26. I forgive people by forgetting them.

27. Don’t be afraid to be open-minded, your brain is not going to fall out.

28. I am good enough person to forgive you. But not stupid enough to trust you again!

29. I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.

30. I don’t care if people don’t like me. I wasn’t put on this earth to entertain anyone.

31. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

32. Trust me I am a liar.

33. Quit trying to fix me, I am not broken.

34. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

35. We are all living in cages with the door wide open.

36. Out of all the lies I’ve told, “Just kidding” is my favorite.

37. There is no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.

38. My life needs editing.

39. When life shuts a door… Open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

40. I can’t believe I work this hard to be this poor.

41. The road to success is always under construction.

42. Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.

43. You have to be odd to be number one.

44. Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.

45. May my enemies live a long life to see my success.

46. I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.

47. Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

48. Don’t follow me because I don’t even know where I’m going!!

49. Started from the bottom now we’re here.

50. The best mistake to never repeat is to cry for the same problem twice.

51. If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.

52. Nobody notices what I do…until I don’t do it.

53. If at first you don’t succeed; call it version 1.0.

54. Stop looking for happiness in the same place you just lost it.

55. The biggest slap to your enemies is your success.

56. The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything.

57. Never announce your moves before you make them.

58. I love people I can be crazy with.

59. The greatest pleasure in life is doing the things people say you can’t 😉

60. If Plan A fails remember that you have 25 letters left.

61. Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

62. At night, I can’t sleep. In the morning, I can’t wake up. Lol 🙂

63. Family is like chocolate, mostly sweet with a few nuts.

64. I don’t have time to hate people who hate me because I’m too busy loving people who love me.

65. My talent: not sleeping at night.

66. I’ve insulted my Best Friend more than I’ve insulted my worst enemy.

67. Sometimes being silly with a friend is the best therapy!

68. Oh My Goodness! Can you imagine if there were two of me!

69. Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.

70. No bond is stronger than two people who hate the same person.

71. We are all born crazy. Some of us remain that way.

72. Without ME, it’s just AWESO.

73. I thought growing old would take longer!

74. You think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.

75. Keep your heels, head & standards high.

76. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

77. Catch flights, not feelings!

78. I can resist everything except temptation.

79. Why can’t the morning news ever say: Today has been canceled.. go back to sleep! 😉

80. I’m just a girl, standing in front of a salad, asking it to be a donut.

81. The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do dishes.

82. Single is not a status, it is a word that describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others.

83. Single doesn’t always mean lonely and relationship doesn’t always mean happy.

84. I never said most of the things I said.

85. Relationship Status: Looking for a WiFi connection.

86. Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional.

87. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.

88. Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

89. Life update: Still a mess.

90. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

91. Onions make me sad, a lot of people don’t realize that.

92. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

93. I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

94. My dad has the most awesome girl in the world.

95. If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.

96. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list.

97. Admit it.. Life would be so boring without me.

98. The innocent ones always have a wild side.

99. I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn’t cooperate.

100. I know I am Awesome, so I don’t care about your opinion..!!

101. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.

102. Take me as I am or watch me as I go.

103. If you show me 1% of goodness, I’ll show 100% in return. But if you show 1% of attitude, I’ll show100% of it.

104. 5’2 but my attitude 6’1

105. There’s always a wild side to an innocent face.

106. Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

107. I’m born to express, not to impress.

108. Out Of My Mind, Be Back In 5 Minutes.

109. Don’t be so quick to judge me. After all, You only see what I choose to show you.

110. I’m an odd combination of “REALLY SWEET” and “DON’T MESS WITH ME”!!!

111. I love car rides so much that I actually get disappointed when we reach our destination.

112. I’m on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

113. We live in the era of Smart Phones and Stupid people.

114. Brains are awesome I wish everybody had one!

115. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

116. Facebook should have an ‘Enemy List’

117. If at first you don’t succeed, fix ponytail try again.

118. If at first you don’t succeed, order some pizza.

119. Facebook is the only book that we read every day.

120. If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.

121. I would lose weight but I don’t like losing.

122. If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

123. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

124. Once upon a time, I don’t care, I still don’t care. The end.

125. When life gets blurry adjust your focus.

126. When life throws a rock at you, throw back a brick.

127. If you treat me like an option, I’ll leave you like a choice.

128. If someone hates you for no reason, you might as well give them a good reason to do so.

129. Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

130. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse.

131. People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

132. When someone makes you an option make them a memory.

133. Shoutout to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.

134. Calories don’t count on vacation!

135. I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

136. Christmas is truly a magical time. It’s made all my money disappear!

137. I hate math but I love counting money.

138. Removed all junk food from my house. It was delicious.

139. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

140. It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.

141. I always arrive late at office but I make it by leaving early.

142. I really wanna work so hard. But being lazy is so much fun 😉

143. Why would you go to the gym to work out when you can go to the Paint Store and get “thinner”

144. I need a vacation..Someone kidnap me please?

145. I don’t like people who buy gym memberships just to walk on a treadmill. WALKING IS FREE.

146. I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

147. I may look like I’m doing nothing… But in my head I’m quite busy.

148. Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.

149. Stop talking… I’ve entered my mental vacation.

150. Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture.

151. I’m 97% sure you don’t like me, But I’m 100% sure I don’t care.

152. Of course women don’t work as hard as men… They get it right the first time.

153. I love being on vacation and never knowing what day of the week it is.

154. When girls say “Leave me alone” actually it means “I need you”

155. Always dress like you are going to see your worst enemy 😉

156. A girl can never have enough jewelry.

157. I like long romantic walks down the makeup aisle.

158. Shopping is an art and I am an artist. Please respect!

159. I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

160. I’ll stop wearing black when they invent a darker color.

161. Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

162. Smile in front of those who hates you – It kills them.

163. The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

164. I love rumors. I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew.

165. If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.

166. Behind every successful women is herself.

167. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend, a successful woman is one who can find such a man.

168. I have enough jewelry – Said no one ever!

169. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

170. Marriage is a workshop.. where husband works & wife shops..

171. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

172. The secret of happiness is to have a bad memory!

173. If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

174. Follow your heart but take your brain with you.

175. Always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.

176. Be so happy that when others look at you, they become happy too.

177. I’ve got nothing to do today but Smile 🙂

178. I’m tired with this day, I need a new one.

179. I’m Retired. I was tired yesterday, and I’m tired today.

180. Make today so awesome, yesterday gets jealous!!

181. Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.

182. I am a woman, I bend I don’t break!

183. Don’t think outside the box. Think like there is no box.

184. Learn from everyone. Follow no one.

185. Dare To Be Different!

186. I love my haters, they make me famous!

187. Not all stars belong in the sky.

188. I am a smart person… I just do stupid things.

189. Do not take life too seriously, you will never get out of it alive.

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